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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
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I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
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New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'.
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
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