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“Scores of Iraqi exiles met in London to discuss ways to overthrow Saddam Hussein in a grand gathering dubbed the 'Iraqi Military Alliance Meeting.' Of course, these people are no longer Iraqi, they have no military, and there is no alliance. But they did have a meeting.”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)

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“Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“Sheep are not considered the most intelligent animals but British scientist say humans may have underestimated the woolly creatures. In fact, the British scientific community is even suggesting that the animals might even be "Irish-smart."”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“If the evens of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.”
EvolveToAnarchy Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's cool, because it's not. You know what is cool? Smoking. Smoke while you vote.”
Hassle Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“Does anyone know...does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because...uh...you've all been in charge pretty much since...uh...what was that guys name...Constantine. He converted in, what was it, 312 A.D. I'm just saying, enjoy your success.”
NoxTheLost Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.”
ghoststories Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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